Unknown
by Memphis Lupine
Summary: [LysergxRyu inclined; vignette] 'He confuses me...'


Continuity: Future-set fic. Vague reference to volume 21; not terribly spoileriffic. Well, unless you're reading US Shonen Jump, in which case you're screwed. Gently. *^^*  
  
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Unknown  
  
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An acquaintance of mine once commented on something she found strange, that some of the world's greatest love poems are written in anonymity. These testimonies are by authors unknown, who script them in secret; perhaps they do so to avoid the shame of being recognized by the one they admire, or perhaps they do so in shame itself.   
  
I was born into anonymity, a boy with delicate features and a slender frame. It was peculiar in my childhood, not just the innate recognition of my family's oddness compared to the rest of London society, but to be constantly surrounded by an air of femininity. Being effeminate was a curse of sorts: I did not cry easily, was not scared swiftly, but I was still bullied and beaten. I accepted it, in the beginning, with confusion, and then angered, fought back with teeth and nails.   
  
They merely hurt me that much worse.  
  
I became friends (if that was the right word to use) with others stronger than them, older bullies who would protect me for prices. Aside from my parents, there was no one I knew who would give selflessly to me, and I began to expect selfish demands and beliefs from others; abuse molded me into timid quietness, that I would keep my mouth thin and only fight with frail fists if pressed.  
  
Anonymity became no longer just confusion between feminine and masculine nature and appearance: I was kind and angry both.  
  
When I lost my father, my mother, I left, wanted to do what I had never been able to. I wanted revenge, I wanted blood; I wanted to be something stronger than I was, but I knew I wouldn't be a powerful as I needed to be, not for years. Powerful groups attracted my attention, realizing that if I could surround myself again with those stronger than I, I could achieve what alone I could not.  
  
Yoh was selfless, entirely sentimental and effortlessly giving, as if he was a tireless savior, and it surprised me to know that someone other than my parents could be kind. But they were too merciful, each of them to varying levels; he, in particular, would not kill or settle well with his companions doing so, and I *had* to kill Hao.  
  
And there was the man, Ryu, that I met. I - I didn't know what to make of him. I was bewildered - and embarrassed - to realize he was affectionate towards me, acting as if he thought me a girl; I know I'm effeminate, and it's something I have been mocked for repeatedly, but it was confusing, to be repeatedly treated kindly and constantly admired when I had eventually made it clear to Yoh and his companions I was male. I was ridiculed for the daintiness of my features, never - flattered for them.  
  
I think even my parents had been awkward, at times, with the girlishness of my looks; why, then, when others had beaten and mocked me, or been taken aghast by it, did he continue to treat me with affectionate exuberance?   
  
He confuses me.  
  
I tried countless times to dissuade him, always feeling uncomfortable and slightly (only slightly, just a bit) flattered. I had never, not with anyone other than my parents and a few others (Jeanne and Meene, Cebin and Venstar), been accepted as I was. *Why* did he accept me? Brash and impulsive, he is everything like those who who ground me into the dirt, the ones I couldn't fight against; he's tall and intimidating, and is an absolute idiot most of the time, completely over-the-top in his actions and words.  
  
And yet.  
  
He's actually rather kind underneath, and...I suppose I'm glad I met him. I don't - quite know how to act around him. How am I supposed to act? I've never had to deal with something like this, not really - doesn't he realize I'm not one of the girls he adores? Or maybe he does know, which makes it more confusing.  
  
I didn't expect to be so frightened, and angry, when he was left alone to fight. But I didn't want him to be left alone; I wanted...I wanted to protect him and I didn't know why.   
  
I still don't know why.  
  
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Notes: It's probably OOC (*throttles self and beats with bottle*), but on the other hand, it *is* Lyserg/Ryu-ish! Considering the lack thereof on FanFiction.net, I think this a merit in its own right. Boo yah.   
  
Feedback: And I'll love you forever and ever.   
  
Disclaimer: Takei Hiroyuki owns all, and while I think it debatable over whether or not he intended Ren/Horohoro, I think Ryu/Lyserg was more than just intended. Or I'm delusional.   
  
Request: I'd like a beta-reader for a longer (and better! BETTER!!) Ryu/Lyserg fanfic, mostly to make sure they stay in character. I hate OOC, and I'm not taking any chances. 


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